- Feb 15, 2012
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Today I was in the shower and my head got a very good idea. The best video game ever.
It's called Soul Rampage.
Picture this: A black, obese, female protagonist. She's from Camden, New Jersey. Her name is Mashiqua. One day Mashiqua is running to the liquor store for her momma's boyfriend Deshawn when she sees a bum. She gives him a dollar in change not realizing that he's a magical bum who grants her superpowers. She gets back home not feeling any different. She gives Deshawn his alcohol but he notices that she's a dollar short and starts beating her. She's getting ready to cry but then she gets all angry and she screams out SOUL RAMPAGEEEEEEEE and PUNCHES his bitch ass through the wall and into the house nextdoor which just so happens to be occupied by Crips. The crips are after Mashiqua, but they don't know what they're dealing with. The first boss is Lil' JJ who's the biggest OG in Mashiqua's hood. After taking him down, the military gets involved and things escalate. There's all sorts of betrayal and kidnapping and revenge and stuff. The final boss is the president of the united states in a robot suit.
Mashiqua's powers consist of super strength, super gluttony, and super bounce. Using her almost-perfectly spherical body, she can bounce around at break-neck speed using her bounce powers. Her super strength is self explanitory. Used in conjunction with her bouncing she can cannonball wherever and into whoever she wants. Her super gluttony lets her eat stuff. Is that a missile coming? No problem. That gets gobbled up quicker than that bomb did in The Mask with Jim Carrey. Bullets bounce right off Mashiqua's beautiful african body, but missiles need to be either dodged, or caught and eaten.